


if by chance

by orphan_account



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Angst, Endgame Cyrus Goodman/T. J. Kippen, Getting Back Together, Idk how to tag this HDKSSK im sorry, Kinda, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 20:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19894189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Cyrus really did think that he was in the clear. Until he knocked over several bottles of scented sprays, immediately drawing TJs eyes towards him. His face flushed red in embarrassment, and he panicked slightly as TJ slowly made his way over, "You good, dude?""Um," Cyrus squeaked, "I-I'm fine. Just.. just clumsy."TJs eyes dragged up and down Cyrus' facial features, and after a split second his eyes widened, "...Cyrus?"





	if by chance

**Author's Note:**

> song fic for "if by chance" by Ruth B. This song is very sad, so this is full of angst but it gets better! 
> 
> enjoy <3 
> 
> \- Parker xx

_I can't believe it's been all the years_

_I can't believe I've cried all these years_

Cyrus couldn't believe his eyes. They had to be playing tricks on him right? That couldn't be _him._ He left Shadyside nearly 3 years ago with his girlfriend. Why would he be back?

"Cy?" Buffy's words zoned him back in, "Are you.. okay?" She hadn't seemed to have noticed him yet, which was shocking Cyrus to say the least. He always was able to draw attention to himself just by walking into a room. It was one of the many things that Cyrus admired about him all these years. He was the life of the party, his charisma always unmatched. Cyrus missed him. He knew that he shouldn't, e _specially a_ fter all of this time, but he did. Noticing how silent her friend was, Buffy looked around in confusion. Shock covered her features as soon as she spotted him, "Is that... TJ?"

Almost as if he heard her, TJs eyes snapped in their direction. They seem to go wide for a split second, but it was barely noticeable and Cyrus' figured eyes were probably playing tricks on him. TJ doesn't seem like he wants to strike up conversation with either of them, his eyes quickly averting to somewhere else in the record store they stood in.

"It is, yeah." Cyrus choked out, turning towards the exit and leaving while a confused Buffy trailed after him.

_My friends tell me I should've moved on a long, long time ago_

_But what do they know?_

_What do they know?_

"I don't understand," Cyrus groaned at Andi's words. He'd already tried his best to explain the TJ situation to both him and Buffy, but neither of them seemed to clearly grasp what he was saying, "Cy, it's been so long. You need to move on babe. You should have a long time ago."

He frowned at her words, knowing she was right. But she was also wrong, she didn't understand their history. She would never _get_ it. "I know but.. you guys don't know the full story."

"Then tell us, Cy." Buffy

said softly, grabbing his hand and rubbing circles onto the back of it with her thumb. "You know we're here to listen. We love you."

So he does.

_"We can't do this anymore."_

_Cyrus sits up quickly at the words leaving his best friends lips, confusion clouding his features. Him and TJ had been having a pretty tame time, the two of them watching movies at Cyrus' mom's house. They were cuddling, and TJ was playing with Cyrus' hair, both of them calm and content._

_"Do what?" Cyrus asked, slightly alarmed._

_"This!" TJ gestured wildly between the two of them, "Us! Whatever this "us" thing is, I don't know."_

_Cyrus frowned deeply, "Teej."_

_"No." TJ shook his head, "I-I like someone. She asked me out, and I said yes. So we can't do whatever it is we've been doing anymore."_

_"What, you mean dating?" TJ flinched at the words, "Yes, TJ. Dating. That's what this was. You can say it was just, you know, casual hanging out between bros or whatever, but it wasn't. They became dates when you started to hold my hand, and kiss me afterwards."_

_TJ shook his head, rolling his eyes and standing up quickly, "They weren't dates. I'm not gay."_

_"You're not-" Cyrus laughed loudly, "I never said you were. But kissing your guy friend isn't very straight of you either."_

_"So?" TJ looked very irritated, eyebrows furrowed and face flushed. Cyrus' laughter slowly faded as he say this, "It was just.. fun. It didn't mean anything."_

_Tears sprung to Cyrus' eyes at his best friends words. He was being serious? "Wait but.."_

_"No buts, Cy."_

_Cyrus chose to ignore him, "But I love you."_

_If TJ was scared by what Cyrus was saying a few moments ago, then the words that_ just _left his mouth pushed it too far, and you can see the exact moment where TJ snaps, "No you don't! And if you do, then that fucking sucks. But I'm leaving. Maybe we need space from our friendship."_

_Ignoring all of Cyrus' protests, TJ gathers all of his stuff and leaves as quickly as he can. And if Cyrus cries himself to sleep after that.. well, no one had to know that now did they?_

By the end of his story, Buffy is red in the face with anger, and Andi is sat with tears in her eyes. They pull him into a group hug, muttering apologies that flew right over Cyrus' head, but it was the thought that counted right?

_An I don't mean to be selfish_

_But my heart breaks everytime that I see you smile_

_Cause I know that it's not me who brings it out in you anymore_

The time in the record shop had proven to not be a one-time thing when it came to nearly running into TJ. Cyrus had spotted him around Shadyside several times within a short period of time, but luckily enough TJ hadn't spotted him back so far. Cyrus doesn't know what he would do if TJ ever tried to engage in conversation with him. Knowing himself, Cyrus knew he would probably end up saying something he'd regret and make things even more awkward between them. The only way Cyrus would be caught in conversation with him was if TJ was the one starting it.

He was currently sat behind a shelf of air freshener as he watched TJ walk into the isle of he store he was in. TJ didn't seem to notice him yet, and Cyrus really did think that he was in the clear. Until he knocked over several bottles of scented sprays, immediately drawing TJs eyes towards him. His face flushed red in embarrassment, and he panicked slightly as TJ slowly made his way over, "You good, dude?"

"Um," Cyrus squeaked, "I-I'm fine. Just.. just clumsy."

TJs eyes dragged up and down Cyrus' facial features, and after a split second his eyes widened, "...Cyrus?"

"That's me." Cyrus looked down at his feet, which were pointed inwards due to his uncomfortableness, "How are you TJ?"

"I'm doing good actually," TJ hesitated, "What about you?"

Cyrus just shrugged, "I've been.. better I guess."

"Oh."

Not knowing what else to say, Cyrus just slowly started to back away in hopes that TJ would leave him alone, but apparently the universe was not on his side today. "Hey! Uh, we- can we like, catch up or something?"

"You want to catch up?" Cyrus asked, sarcasm dripping in his tone, "Why? It's been like 3 years since I last saw you, and even longer since we last spoke?"

TJ shrugged, "You were my best friend at one point."

A loud laugh sounded in the tense air between them, and TJ looked up with a frown on his face. "Best friend? Yeah right. I don't think that's the proper word for it."

"Is this about the whole you thought we were dating thing?" TJ groaned, "We were juniors, Cy. Only 17."

Cyrus shook his head, "Actually, I was thinking the correct word for it would have been toy. You always did love playing with my emotions."

"I don't.." TJ took a deep breath, going to continue but falling short as something behind Cyrus caught his attention, "Allison, hi!"

Cyrus whipped around in confusion, only to be met with a ginger girl. She stood taller than Cyrus, maybe 5'9 or 5'10, and her eyes were a bright green. They were a mesmerizing shade, almost like TJs eyes, but not quite as soft. Cyrus felt himself frown, knowing exactly who it was. "Hey baby." She smiled a sickly sweet smile, kissing TJ on his cheek.

Cyrus watched with a sick feeling in his stomach as a large grin took over TJs features, "Hey love, what are you doing here? Thought you were spending time with my sister?"

Allison rolled her eyes at that, "She hates me."

"Come on, she doesn't hate you!"

"Who said I didn't?" Another voice spoke up from behind the group, catching everyone's attention.

Cyrus felt his eyes widened at the girl he hadn't seen in nearly a year and a half, "Amber!"

Her eyes snapped towards him, "Oh my god, Cy!" She quickly tackled him into a bone crushing hug, "Holy shit! I missed you! How's Andi? Buffy and Jonah? I heard you and him went on a date a while back! What ever happened with that?"

There was a teasing tone to her voice and Cyrus giggled softly at her, going to answer but getting interrupted, "You went out with Beck?"

Cyrus looked over towards TJ, "Yeah, so?"

"You always said you guys were just friends." Cyrus felt a look of surprise take over his features as the weird tone of TJs voice. He knew that TJ had always insisted that there was feelings between Cyrus and Jonah, but Cyrus was always the first to shoot that idea down. Why did he still care now?

"We are." Cyrus laughed, "it was more of a testing-the-waters type of thing. We're both happily in a committed relationship with our mental health. We're working to be very happy and healthy."

"I'm sorry, who is this?" Allison finally decided to speak up from her spot under TJs arm.

Amber groaned slightly, "This is Cyrus. Only the most wonderful, lovable, beautiful baby bean in the world. Who are _you?"_

Cyrus' eyes went wide at her words. Was she really talking about TJs long-term girlfriend like that? TJ wasn't even defending her! "I'd watch that tone if I were you. We're going to be sister-in-laws one day."

TJ grinned widely at her words, kissing the side of her head. Cyrus walked away, knowing that his heart wasn't capable of dealing with so much emotional weight. He wished more than anything to be the one in her place, making TJ smile so wide that his eyes were crinkled and glowing.

_You found somebody new, you put me in the past_

_I don't even know if our memories will last_

_But if by chance it doesn't work out with her_

_You'll always have a chance with me in my world._

The next time Cyrus runs into TJ is at the park. He was babysitting his cousin's daughter, Izabella, when TJ walked up to them.

"Fancy seeing you here, Goodman."

Cyrus turned to look at the older man in shock, not expecting him to appear out of the blue, "Hey TJ."

"Who's this little cutie?" TJ crouched down to pinch at hey cheeks, causing the small girl to giggle uncontrollably.

Cyrus smiled softly at the sight, "This is Bella. She's Josh's daughter, she's nearly 2."

"Oh god, he had a kid?" Cyrus nodded, "isn't he like, 23 now?"

"Yeah, turns 24 in November."

TJ nodded, continuing to poke at Bella's cheeks to make her laugh more, "She's adorable."

"She is yeah," they both go silent for a few minutes, TJ still playing with Izabella, before Cyrus decided to speak up again, "So why are you here?"

"We never finished talking the other day," TJ had a 'duh' tone in his voice, as if Cyrus was asking a question with an obvious answer. Cyrus just shrugged. He really didn't know how to respond, seeing as they weren't even friends anymore, "I've missed you these last few years you know."

"I didn't know," Cyrus rolled his eyes, "but I missed you. Probably way more than I should have, if I'm being honest."

He looked over to catch TJs reaction, seeing the taller man red in the face, and a look of contemplation was covering his features, "I regret how I handled things when we were younger."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just that.." TJ hesitated for a fee moments before continuing, "I was comfortable with you. That much was pretty obvious, but I never really paid mind to anything else. Then people started questioning it- how close we were I mean, and I wasn't even fully comfortable with my own sexuality back then. I think I was too young." Tj took a deep breath, "I love Allison."

Cyrus frowned, but didn't even think of saying anything negative to his once best friend, "I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks.." TJs tone was off, but Cyrus didn't feel as if he had a right to comment on it, "Tell me what you've been up to recently."

Cyrus grinned, "A lot." He launches off into a rant on how things have been the last few years that they were out of each others lives until Bella showed signs of her getting grouchy, "oh god. I went off on a rant, I'm so sorry."

TJ just laughed, "You're fine, Cy. Can I walk you home?" Cyrus nodded. He picked up Bella and gathered all of her things up, then the three of them set off on wherever Cyrus was leading them. TJ followed with no complaints, "Have you met anyone special?"

There was a teasing tone to TJs voice that didn't sit quite right with Cyrus, "A few guys I guess. I've never felt the same with them that I did with you though. I think- I think I was too scared to open up to any of them, too scared of feeling that type of hurt again." Cyrus laughed bitterly.

"Oh." TJ frowned, "I'm sorry about that."

Cyrus just waved him off, "it's whatever. It's in the past, you probably don't even remember the actual dynamic of our relationship, I barely can. All I can remember is the feeling I think."

"I remember," Cyrus looked over at him in confusion, "Just because I claimed I didn't know what was up doesn't mean that I actually didn't. I was just scared, my feelings for you were terrifying."

"Do you ever miss it?" Cyrus' eyes go wide at his own question, "Shit I'm sorry! I didn't mean to ask that i- just. Ignore that. Sorry."

TJ laughed loudly, causing Cyrus' flush to deepen as his embarrassment grew, "You're fine! I don't really know how go answer that."

"That's okay!" Cyrus rushed to say, "But.. if you ever do and you guys break up or something. I dunno, I'm - I'm always here. Or does that sound pathetic?"

TJ doesn't answer him, just smiled softly. Before you even knew it, the two of them had already approach Cyrus' apartment where his cousin was waiting to pick up Bella. They parted ways with rushed goodbyes and "see you soon"s and Cyrus ended up forgetting about his awkward question asking skills.

_Is it so wrong of me to hope she breaks your heart?_

_Is it so wrong of me to pray she tears you apart?_

"I just don't get it!"

Cyrus was in the middle of ranting to Amber about his whole "situation" with TJ, the older girl just sitting and listening without complaint, only talking when adding in comments of her own distain towards her brothers girlfriend.

"We ran into each other the other day, and she literally insulted me!" Cyrus was red in the face with anger, "she claimed that she knew I was 'after her man' or whatever. Like, I met her once! What the hell did she assume was going on?"

"I have no idea," Amber frowned, "she doesn't really like anyone that TJ is close with. She can't stand our mom. They're pretty much always bickering whenever they're in the same room, it sucks."

Cyrus frowned at that. Allison was really like that towards the most important woman in her boyfriends life? "That's fucked. She's going to break his heart one day, and he's going to leave. Right? Please tell me I'm right."

Amber nodded, "Most likely. They got into a fight one time, and he threatened to leave if she ever did whatever it is that she had done again."

"Yikes," Cyrus sighed deeply, flopping back onto Ambers mattress, "is it bad that I hope something happens?"

Amber snorted loudly, "Nope. I do too."

_I know in the deepest darkest part of you_

_You pray and hope and wish for it too_

A pounding knock on Cyrus door jolted him awake. He frowned and reached for his phone so he could check the time, groaning when the screen read 2:17am. Who could possibly be knocking at this ungodly hour? He sighed and rolled out of his bed, not bothering to put on a shirt before opening his front door, "Oh. Hey,"

TJ paused for a moment, "Hey."

"What's up?" Cyrus asked, not-so-subtly trying to hide his upper body with the door.

"I just.. needed someone to talk to." TJ frowned, "I'm sorry, you were probably sleeping."

"No no, it's okay!" Cyrus opened the door wider for TJ to enter before gently closing it behind him, "Let me just.. go throw a shirt on. I'll be back in a minute, but the couch in through there!"

TJ nodded and walked away. Cyrus looked up towards his ceiling and rolled his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance before bounding down his hallway to go find a hoodie. 

"Hey." TJ looked up at the sound of Cyrus entering the living room and gave him a soft smile, waving. "What's up?"

"You."

"Pardon?" Cyrus furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"Sorry," TJ sighed, "I moved in hopes that you would just... leave my head. And you did! But- but coming back has really out in into perspective of just how much I miss you. And it's a different kind of miss than my family, or my other friends. There's these unholy thoughts of me missing how your hair smelled when you would fall asleep on my chest, or running my hands up and down the soft bare skin of your back when we would take naps together and I would wake up before you. I used to just.. sit and admire how beautiful you are some days when I did that."

"I miss how you snort if you laugh to hard, and how happy and excited you get over muffins! Or how childlike you'd get over the swings, because even when we were in highschool, you would always be down to swing! I miss the soft side of you that came out whenever you were tired or sad, and you would cling onto me and hide from the world in _my_ arms."

Cyrus sat with wide eyes, his jaw slack in shock of the words leaving TJs mouth. He had to be dreaming. Right? This could not be real, "Am I still asleep? Fuck did I hit my head? Oh my god am I dead-"

"Cyrus!" TJ laughed, "Calm down, kid. You're not... you're not dreaming. Or dead? I just. I dunno, I've been thinking about this for a while now, and I've been _praying_ for a reason to leave Allison. Which is terrible right? God I'm a shitty boyfriend, but then again. She _cheated_ on me. More than once, and I kept going back to her."

"Teej.."

"No it's okay!" TJ assured, not even taking the time to breath before he continued speaking, "I finally broke up with her after finding out she was with another guy. Again. And she freaked out, called me a very offensive term, and said that I was doing this because of you."

Cyrus frowned at that, but TJ still didn't slow down. Not even in the slightest. "And you know what?"

".. what?"

"She was right." With those words, Cyrus took it in his own hands to surge forward, kissing TJ. It shut him up, which was his initial goal, but as he went to pull back, TJ pulled him back in by the drawl strings of Cyrus' hoodie. It couldn't exactly be considered gentle, not even in the slightest, but there was no real heat behind it. It was the type of kiss that was filled with longing. One that seemed to convey the words "I missed you" without either of them actually saying those words.

Cyrus pulled back slightly, taking a few deep breaths, "Fuck."

"That wasn't really what I was expecting." TJ laughed gently, chastely pressing his lips to Cyrus' again for a few seconds before pulling away again, "you have no idea how much I hate myself for ever leaving you to begin with."

"Shut up and kiss me, you fool." Cyrus kissed him again. The two of them ended up falling asleep wrapped around each other on Cyrus' couch that night. They knew that they still had a lot to figure out, but it wasn't anything they couldn't work out together.

**Author's Note:**

> that was it! I hope it's not completely terrible. It took me nearly 4 days to write ugh. Sorry for any mistakes! Hope you liked tho :( 
> 
> find me on Tumblr!  
> @tippen-jippen-kippen


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